Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
did you just send me my own nude
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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