hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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