So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
