drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
