it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
