Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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