So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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