There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
