Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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