Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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