so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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