so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
