I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Everything about him screamed your future.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
