my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize