im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
