Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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