He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
