I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
