It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
