I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
