He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
