Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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