You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did i walk over a car last night?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
