I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
