I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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