Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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