It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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