If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
