everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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