Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
