just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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