I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're like the curious george of whores
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How external is "for external use only"?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
