I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
