I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
