Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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