office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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