Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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