billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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