I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
