last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
