By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
