Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
