The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
