fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
