lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
