I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
