Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize