I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
