we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize