already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize