you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
