I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
