yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just cut my nipple shaving
i was born a porn star she said
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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