In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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