You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize