Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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