I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
