don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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