the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
