I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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