It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
