3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
