1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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