Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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