I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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