just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
