just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
