Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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