The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
