He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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