Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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