I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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