We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
