so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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