We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
