I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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