either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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