My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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