I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she pinky promised me she was 18
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I supernannyed him into submission
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
