can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
