The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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