After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
