All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
