I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
