You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
