I think I won the penis lottery.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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