he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
