Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
