Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
