textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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