I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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