i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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