I feel like abortions should bother me more
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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